Want more purpose, clarity, and fulfillment? Start with your core values.
Think about the best decisions you’ve ever made—chances are, they likely aligned with your deepest values.
When you discover your core values, everything shifts. Uncertainty fades, replaced by clarity and purpose.
Your decisions become intentional, aligning with what truly matters, leading to deeper fulfillment, resilience, and a life driven by meaning—not by external expectations or pressures.
But what if you haven’t defined your core values?
What if your values have been on autopilot, controlling your life without you ever asking what you really want?
When you follow rules, beliefs, or habits just because everyone else does, you stop thinking for yourself.
It can make life feel boring and empty, like you’re just going through the motions instead of making choices that actually matter to you.
You may end up stuck in a routine that doesn’t bring real happiness.
It wasn’t until recently that I woke up from years of my own default programming, finally gaining the awareness to ask myself, "What do I truly value in life?"
I realized some of my autopilot values were silently killing my dreams and happiness.
The way to truly feel alive is to choose your values on purpose—to think about what matters most and live by it.
Otherwise, you may drift through life without really living it.
We're going to come back to this idea shortly, but first, let’s explore what I really mean by “core values.”
What Are Core Values?
Core values are the beliefs and principles that guide our decisions, actions, and behavior. These values are shaped by experiences, culture, and upbringing and reflect what truly matters in life.
Why Are They Important?
Core values act as a compass, guiding us toward what is meaningful and true in life.
The Power of Defining Your Core Values
Clear core values have been proven to lead to a better life, serving as a guiding north star for long-term fulfillment in personal growth, business, and health.
Life Satisfaction – Strongly defined values are linked to greater psychological well-being (Seligman, 2011).
Greater Resilience & Stress Reduction – Living in alignment with core values fosters emotional stability (Creswell et al., 2005).
Motivation & Self-Determination – A clear sense of purpose fuels motivation (Deci & Ryan, 2000).
Ethical Decision-Making – Defined values help prevent cognitive dissonance and support moral integrity (Haidt, 2012).
Sustainable Habits – Aligning behaviors with values increases long-term consistency and adherence (Neal, Wood, & Quinn, 2006).
10 Key Elements of Your Core Values
When we identify what truly matters to us, we make better decisions, live with purpose, and stay true to ourselves. Let’s explore the essential elements that shape our core values.
Beliefs and Principles – Your values come from what you believe is right and important, like honesty, kindness, or compassion.
Passions and Interests – The things that excite and drive you, like creativity, adventure, personal growth, or helping others.
Goals and Dreams – Your values shape what you want to achieve and who you want to become.
Character and Integrity – Your values guide how you act, shaping traits like kindness, responsibility, and courage.
Relationships and Connections – The way you treat family, friends, and your community reflects your values, like trust, respect, or loyalty.
Culture and Environment – The place and people you grow up with influence your values, including traditions and beliefs from your community.
Right and Wrong – Core values help you decide what’s fair and just, guiding choices that show honesty and integrity.
Life Experiences – The things you go through, from struggles to achievements, help shape what matters most to you.
Sense of Purpose – Your values help you find meaning in life, whether that’s making a difference, chasing a dream, or building strong relationships.
Vision of the Future – Core values reflect how we envision our future. Whether it’s achieving success, fulfilling a dream, or fostering change, these values influence the decisions we make and the path we take.
When Our Actions Reveal the Real Truth
Many of us believe we hold noble values, and that’s likely to be very true—but our daily choices may tell a different story.
Our actions are shaped not just by what we consciously declare but by unconscious values we’ve absorbed over time.
We call these hidden influences autopilot values, and they can quietly steer decisions, reactions, and priorities, sometimes in direct conflict with the values we aspire to uphold.
Remember: Our actions reveal our true values, not just our words.
The Hidden Forces Driving Your Life
Autopilot values are the unconscious beliefs, principles, or priorities that guide your decisions and actions without you even realizing it.
These values come from the world around you—your family, friends, culture, and past experiences.
Over time, they shape the way you react to situations, make choices, and interact with others, even if they don’t match what you consciously believe is important.
Sometimes, autopilot values can clash with the values you want to live by, making you feel frustrated or out of sync with yourself.
Because they develop without you actively choosing them, they can be tricky to notice—but once you do, you can start shaping your life with more intention.
Common Autopilot Values:
Seeking approval from others (external validation)
Staying in your comfort zone to avoid change
Chasing success just for recognition, not because it makes you happy
Thinking there’s never enough (time, money, opportunities) (scarcity mindset)
Following what society expects instead of what truly feels right to you
The Costs of Living on Autopilot:
Feeling Lost – Without clear values, life can feel confusing or unfulfilling.
Trying to Please Everyone – You might focus more on what others expect instead of what truly matters to you.
Constant Inner Struggle – When your actions don’t match your real values, stress and frustration can build up.
Bad Habits That Hold You Back – Unnoticed values can lead to choices that hurt your growth and well-being.
Feeling Stuck – It’s hard to break free from unhealthy patterns if you don’t realize what’s causing them.
The Wrong Career Path – Choosing a job that doesn’t fit your values can leave you feeling drained and unmotivated.
Success That Feels Empty – Even big accomplishments won’t feel meaningful if they’re based on values you never truly chose.
Noticing these values is important because it helps you stay true to yourself, make confident choices, and grow into the best version of yourself.
The Role of Values in Transformation
Recognizing autopilot values is just the first step.
Once you become aware of the unconscious forces shaping your decisions, the real work begins—choosing to realign your values with the person you want to become.
This shift isn’t just about awareness; it’s about actively reshaping your mindset, actions, and identity.
Transformation requires more than rejecting outdated values—it demands the courage to embrace new, consciously chosen values that align with your aspirations.
This process often feels uncomfortable because it challenges long-held patterns and beliefs.
However, by stepping into this discomfort, you can unlock the path to growth and fulfillment.
Unlocking Your Core Values: The Key to Lasting Change
Your values are like the hidden blueprint of your life—they guide your choices, relationships, and overall happiness.
If you're not clear on them, you might end up following old beliefs or what others expect instead of what really matters to you.
When you discover your true values, you create a clear path for growth, helping you make choices that lead to the life you actually want.
To start this journey of self-discovery, take time to reflect on the questions below. They will help you uncover the beliefs, motivations, and priorities that define who you are and who you are becoming.
15 Questions for Diving Deeper into Your Core Values
Here are some questions that can help you explore and identify your core values. Answering these questions can give you deeper insight into what truly matters to you. Once you reflect on your responses, you may notice patterns or recurring themes that point toward your core values.
What do I stand for?
What beliefs or principles do I hold most dear?
What is non-negotiable for me in life?
When do I feel most alive or fulfilled?
What activities or moments bring me the greatest joy or satisfaction?
When have I felt a sense of purpose or meaning in my life?
What qualities do I admire in others?
Which personal traits in others inspire or motivate me?
Are there specific people I look up to, and why?
What motivates me?
What drives my decisions and actions?
What do I find myself passionate about, even when there are no rewards?
How do I want to be remembered?
What kind of legacy do I want to leave behind?
What impact do I want to have on others or the world?
What are the most important lessons I’ve learned in life?
What experiences or challenges have shaped who I am today?
What have I learned from past mistakes or successes?
What do I value in my relationships?
What qualities do I value most in my friendships and relationships?
How do I want to treat others, and how do I want them to treat me?
What would I never compromise on?
What are the values or principles I would never sacrifice, no matter the situation?
What are the "deal-breakers" for me in life?
What does success look like to me?
What does living a successful life mean to me?
How do I define success personally—financially, emotionally, spiritually?
What am I willing to fight for?
What causes, beliefs, or principles am I passionate enough to advocate for?
What issues in society or in my own life make me feel compelled to act?
What does a meaningful life look like to me?
What experiences, actions, or contributions make life feel meaningful?
What would make me feel like I’ve lived a full and worthwhile life?
How do I feel about things like honesty, loyalty, or responsibility?
Which ethical or moral principles are most important to me?
How do I interpret and prioritize values like honesty, responsibility, or integrity?
What would I change about myself or the world?
If I could change one thing about the world, what would it be, and why?
What aspect of myself do I wish to grow or improve, based on my core values?
What do I want to contribute to the world or my community?
How do I want to make a positive impact in the world around me?
What contribution feels most authentic to my values?
How do I feel when my values are challenged?
How do I react when my beliefs or values are questioned or violated?
What values do I protect most fiercely when faced with conflict?
Best Practice:
Daily journaling is a powerful way to notice where you're living on autopilot and imagine how your ideal self would handle situations differently. By reflecting on your actions and choices, you can start to see patterns, uncover habits that don’t serve you, and make better decisions. Over time, this practice helps you refine your behavior, stay true to what really matters, and strengthen your connection to the values and traits of the person you want to become.